learning to be okay with it {1,140}

Discontentment has found it's way into my heart lately.  Right now? Our home. We are getting ready for garden season, which means from now until late fall my kitchen/dinning room will first be a green house, then taken over with noisy, smelly, dirty, canning stuff.  I have a tiny kitchen, with a tiny dinning room.  So that means my dinning room is also an overflow room for extra kitchen gear.  Leaving almost zilch room for a table...a table that's basically worthless.  It collects everything from mail, tools, toys, to buried fruit that has gone bad because it was hidden from the mail, toys, tools, etc.  Oh, have I mentioned that even though we have 3 bedrooms, really only 2 because my husband works from home (which is a blessing) but requires an office?  4 people...2 bedrooms....1,140 square feet is what I have to work with.  The plan was to build a house in a few years.  Then baby #2 came, and it made sense for me to be home.  So that building a house plan in 3 years?  Ha...

God has really been speaking to me.  He saw it fit to give me 1,140 square feet.  He decided that's what we needed for this moment in our lives, no more, no less.  Have I been grateful?  No.  Should I? YES! So I'm working hard on changing that heart of mine.  So in my 1,140 square feet, I looked to find what was beautiful to me.

I love my dishes.  My favorite colors, blue and yellow.  Look at those dainty flowers, aren't they just so pretty?  Did I mention the pattern is called Melissa?  Yes, they were meant for me! 

I've always enjoyed metal art.  This used to hang above my bed in my first "real" apartment.  Now it hangs on the green living room wall to greet you when you walk in.  I think it's beautiful.  

Life through a child's eyes.  Need I say more? 

My disorganized children's book shelf.  Why do I love this?  By looking at how the books are placed, you can tell my 3 year old loves to help herself to books.  And I l.o.v.e. that.  

I cherish this painting.  A family friend painted this for us as a wedding present.  Sunflowers were our wedding flower, along with yellow and blue as the colors.  Isn't this just beautiful?  It's proudly displayed in our living room.  

"But Godliness with contentment is great gain" 1 Timothy 6:6 

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5

1,140 square feet is what I have to work with, and I'm learning to be okay with it.  

Those of you with small spaces and a family, feel free to comment on ways you make it work!  I'm always looking for suggestions! :) 

Why I {we} Decided to Home School

With the school year wrapping up in a couple of months, I've noticed a buzz on the Internet already talking about school in the fall.  I obviously follow a lot of home school blogs, and talk some about this on facebook.  I wanted to share why I decided to home school.  First, to clarify, both (my husband and I) agreed together homeschooling was the best option right now.  While we share many of the same reasons to home school, we also have different reasons, so these are "my" reasons that may or may not be on my husband's list.  

Before getting into the list....I want you to know  my husband and I are both products of the public school system.  We went to small high schools (my graduating class of 90 some was 3x the size of his though!) and both succeeded.  We did not have "bad experiences", both have great sets of parents that supported us through our school years, etc.  We both made good grades and sought higher education after graduation.  

Our choice of homeschooling is not because we think poorly of public school teachers.  My mom retired from the public school system, my brother is currently a teacher. As a music therapy major, many of my college best friends were music ed majors, now teaching in public schools.  I know many wonderful teachers.  

Also, my view of homeschooling for our family, is take it one year at a time. I don't know if we will do it one year, or all of the schooling years.  But through prayer, one year at a time, always reevaluating what's best. 

* I want to be the main influence on my children.  If I send them off to school for 7 hours (just the educational time, not including extra curricular activities), the majority of their day, will not be around me.  I feel like other people would be raising my children, their teachers, peers, etc.  

* I want to choose the curriculum.  Or I want "us" to choose the curriculum.  I think as the child gets older, it's exciting for them to be able to have a say on what route they want to take.  Let's do a study on Pioneer Days, Johnny Appleseed, plants in the garden, how a thunderstorm starts, etc.  I'm also not crazy about the government having huge influence on public schools and what is being taught.  I can't afford a private school.  

* I want to allow my child to learn at her (or his) pace.  Whether that means spending more time on a subject, or advancing because they are catching on quickly.  Teachers do their best, but it is hard to accommodate 25+ students individually.  One cannot expect them to.  

* As a Christian, I want our education to be Christ focused.  

* Better socialization.  WHAT?!? (usually people think home school kids would lack socialization)  In typical school setting, you are stuck with students all your age.  At home, you are around all ages, and if you can get along with your siblings day in and day out, you can get along with quite a variety of people in society! Also, I like intergenerational/ages for socialization, and at home school groups, usually you are around all different ages.  

* Schedule YOU set the schedule. (This isn't a main reason of HS, but a perk!) Take a vacation in September!  Do a 4 day school week!  Zoo day? OK! 

* The most important reason?  We feel this is what God is wanting for our family, for this time.  

I could go on, but I think that highlights our top reasons.  This is not meant to be a "home school is better than public/private school" post.  I do not judge other families that don't home school, there may come a time when we don't.  It's an individual decision, not all families can home school.  One has to pray and decide what is best for you.  I don't regret going to a public school.  

So...my basic plan for the fall?  Keep it simple.  My oldest will be over 3 1/2.  I plan to find a basic basic preschool curriculum (I work with her now off and on on basic things).  I'm thinking 2-3 days of working with her for 30 minutes or less (plus our home school group).  Doing this for about 2 school years and then starting a Kindergarten curriculum the fall she's 5.  Now this could all change, but that's my tentative plan.  At this age, I believe children should learn from play.  My goal is to let my children do the leading on their education.  I don't care about them speaking 10 languages (1 or 2 would be awesome!) or reading at the age of 4, and writing cursive at 4 1/2.  Typically HS students progress faster, but that's not my focus.  I want my children to lead what direction they want to go, and I will help guide them.  

What I am not {and who i am}

I'm an avid blog reader....errrr addict.  I love reading other blogs about natural living, homesteading, being a parent, homeschooling, oh golly the list could go on.  And then it happens, the comparison.  "I'm not that good" "She's got it all together, what am I doing wrong" "Why don't my kids act like that".  I start doubting myself, sliding into a depression of I'm not doing a good enough job.  And then out of the blue, I get a facebook message asking how I've done something that I've posted about, or questions about homeschooling, or a "oh wow, what you are doing is what we are working towards for a future goal".  Internet is funny, you can paint yourself to be whatever you want to be.  While I share my dreams, ambitions, goals, and things we are striving for, I don't want to paint myself as a perfect person because I fall...fall hard...daily, usually hourly.  So this is what I am not:

* I am not a perfect Mom.  Days like yesterday...I just wanted out.  The whining, the constant peeing in the pants, the messy house, the laundry that never ends.  I just couldn't do it.  So when I had the opportunity to bring the baby to the Chiro (first appointment for an 8 month old!), I grabbed her up and jetted.

* My kid (I have 2 but youngest has no interest in TV) watches too much TV.  I try to set limits...and most of the time I fail.

* I can't cook.  If you follow me on facebook, you are probably thinking what?!? (As I like to post kitchen creations)  When I was little, I had no interest in cooking.  I stayed clear of the kitchen until forced to set the table or make the tea.  (I was the queen at making sweet tea) To this day, I HAVE to have a recipe.  I'm just n.o.w. barely getting to the point of experimenting and just "putting something together".  And I mean, like in this past month.

* I'm a failure wife.  I get mad easy, have a short temper, and let things fester inside of me.

* My house is never clean.  There might be one room that's clean, but quick, take a picture, because the next instant it won't.  I don't remember a time when everything was really put in its place.  Usually my kitchen looks like this

And rarely does it look like this:

* I crave organization and structure, but severely lack both.  

{and who i am}

* I am a Mom, a Mom that loves to love on her girls every second of my life.  A Mom that has to take life one day at a time, sometimes one breath at a time to make it to the next second or day.  A Mom that tries to make the best decisions, and when I fail, I try to learn from my failures.  Sometimes more frequently than I wish.  

* I am a wife that is married to an amazing man that I don't deserve.  I know He still loves me at the end of the day, no matter what harsh words may come from my tongue. A man that will always embrace me when I hang my head low, muttering an apology, or telling him about some stupid thing I've done.  

* I am a daughter to the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords.  The ONE that takes my broken pieces, and make something beautiful of it.